Imperfect Kids

“For my people are foolish; they know me not;
they are stupid children; they have no understanding.
They are ‘wise’—in doing evil! But how to do good they know not.”
Jeremiah 4:22 ESV

Being a father of four, I want to tell you that there are many times throughout parenting that I am thankful for that passage. It is a comfort to know that God feels the same way about His kids as I do about mine at times. It is my personal belief that the LORD gives us teenagers to give us the experience of having somebody created in our own image who rebels against us and denies our very existence.

I want to ask a few questions.

Question 1: Is God the perfect father?
Answer: Yes

Question 2: Did God ever make a parenting mistake?
Answer: No

Question 3: Did God give perfect instruction to His kids?
Answer: Yes

Question 4: Did His kids listen to their perfect father’s instruction?
Answer: No

Question 5: Did God have rebellious kids?
Answer: Yes

Question 6: Does God expect you to have perfect kids?
Answer: No

From one imperfect parent to another imperfect parent, I have a little secret to tell you. God knows EXACTLY what it is like to have rebellious kids. In fact, when I read my Old Testament, I’m thankful that mine aren’t as bad as His had a tendency to be!

That being said, dealing with rebellious kids is one of the hardest things that I have had to deal with as a parent. The passage above has really helped me through a lot of it. The reason is this: God, who is the perfect parent, who never made a mistake, who did all things perfectly, who loved perfectly, provided perfectly, disciplined perfectly, and had ZERO faults in His parenting, still had stupid kids that did stupid things.

The breakthrough for me in parenting came at a point when I realized that God knew exactly what it was like to deal with it. Also, why would God hold me to an expectation of having perfect kids that He did not succeed in doing?

Coming from a multi-generational homeschool family, I know what it was like growing up with people looking in and judging my family critically. There are these stereotypes that surround us homeschool families that say, “Homeschool kids are always supposed to be perfect,” “All homeschool kids are always straight A students,” “Homeschool kids should be lawyers by age 9,” and “If they so much as miss perfection by one bit, it is obviously the parents’ fault.”

I want to tell you today that those stereotypes are a lie from the pit of hell. Those lies are told to make you, the parents, feel as if you should be held to a standard that God Himself was not even able to achieve. It is succumbing to that lie that can be a trap for us. We put more undue burden on ourselves than God ever intended for us to have.

There is another truth that I found in that passage above. God does not hold us accountable for the outcomes of our children. He only holds us accountable for our own actions. I want to assure you that He knows full well what it is like to have imperfect children. As a result, God is able to comfort us in those times.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our
weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are,
yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace,
that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:15–16

There is a good bit of grace that parenting requires, and a greater dose of grace is needed when we school them ourselves. God understands that. He doesn’t expect perfection from us, only trust.

Yeah, kids aren’t perfect. Sometimes they can be REALLY imperfect, but that isn’t our fault. Every person since Adam and Eve has been born under sin, and as a result is in need of a Savior. There has only ever been one perfect Child, and that was Jesus. Every child has to walk that road and make their decision for themselves. It is simply our job to put them on the right path for them to choose, and trust God for the rest. The grace of God is more than sufficient for that task. We just have to accept that grace and issue a little bit to ourselves as well.

If you find yourself worried that somehow when you have done your best to raise your kids and things come out less than perfect, don’t. Lean into the shared experience you have with God and deepen that relationship with Him. Maybe in the process you will find out that you are that rebellious child He has been having to deal with too 😉.

All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
Isaiah 53:6